TFN Talks with Nik Wood
TFN Talks sat down with Nik Wood, life coach and founder of the Life Athletics Podcast to talk about the intricacies of the human spirit, masculine power and the insights he gained from surviving the freak accident that almost took his life.
Could you introduce yourself and tell us about Life Athletics, what inspired you to create it? What is the spirit of Life Athletics all about?
First of all, thank you so much for our years of friendship and this opportunity and experience! These questions are fun! Life Athletics is a foundational principle that looks at everything in life as trainable and proposes that everything can be looked at like a game or a sport. A game can take many forms but for this I’m looking at it as an activity with a specific set of goals or outcomes and possessing of unique rules and guidelines. Everyone is playing a game in life and everyone is winning the game that they’re playing. For those who don’t like the current state of their lives, it’s time to play a new game.
Life Athletics started almost 20 years ago when I was a personal trainer and someone came into the gym where I was working apparently to ask for fitness advice. What was fascinating about this encounter was that this person who was extremely overweight and seemingly not connected to their body at all walked up to me, asked for advice on how to train their biceps while pointing at their shoulders, talked at me for a few minutes with what felt like the bullet points of a magazine article on fitness and then they said “thank you”, smiled and walked away. They hadn’t actually allowed space to learn anything from me and to me it felt like all they now had was the ability to say that they’d talked to a trainer and that it hadn’t made any difference, validating an old narrative or game. Now, I have no idea if that’s actually what they did with the encounter but I looked at my projection asked myself where in my life I was that “out of shape” and closed to support. Answers flooded my mind and perhaps because I was still standing in the gym, I immediately saw all of these newly exposed blind spots as trainable, just as the body is and I started developing systems from there.
When did you come to BALI for the first time and what made you want to settle here?
I coached for a few years after first coming up with the idea of Life Athletics but I was in my early 20’s and didn’t feel that I was where I needed to be in my own life to be any kind of life coach. I fired all of my clients and well it was a journey after that. During that time I was constantly growing and refining myself, my processes, and the Life Athletics methodology. I was also blogging and writing and moonlighting as whatever I am now but feeling frustrated as I wasn’t really living from MY chosen game. Finally the day arrived when I knew I had to go and so I reached out to the only person I knew who was coaching and had a podcast, two things that I wanted to do myself. She said that she had a retreat coming up in Bali and that I should attend, so I did. Once there, the other participants kept telling me that they thought I could RUN the retreat myself which surprised me and I also got to see some of the blind spots that had actually been holding me back. It felt like Bali said “stay and I will heal you”, and so I stayed.
Can you tell us about what happened to you in the past year and how has it changed your life?
So, I know the event that you’re asking about but to my mind there are really two large life events that happened for me this last calendar year. The more public one is that I broke my skull at the start of a breath workshop and nearly died. Now, I’d done eight or nine days of this workshop scattered through the month prior and had felt fantastic so I don’t blame that for what happened to me. I have no memory of the event and the witnesses all have slightly different variations of what happened but the cobbled together version was that 90 seconds after the workshop started, I made some weird animal sound, looked like I wanted to throw up, lurched across the courtyard space we were in, slipped and hit my head on a support column. I woke up a week later in the hospital tied to the bed so that I couldn’t hurt myself or others in the injured and medicated state I was in.
Over the last nine months I’ve had to learn to walk again, talk again, and BE again. There was so much swelling that one of my eyes was forced up and so I was seeing double as my eyes weren’t lining up. Half of my face was frozen for months and at the first public speaking gig I did after the injury I couldn’t actually say all of the letters of the alphabet and so had to trust that I would still be understood. Near death experiences have the reputation for waking people up to life and I feel that this has done that for me. A finer lens has been applied to life and my priorities feel more clear than ever. Many people have said that I seem calmer, wiser, more present, and that feels like a gift. All of life feels like a gift, to be honest. Bonus time in which I get to quit treating things like a dress rehearsal and actually BE who I say I want to be. It’s felt slow going at times but I sit here feeling better than I have in years and more fully recovered than most people were daring to hope would be possible. Connected to that experience for me is something that most people haven’t heard me talk about which is that two months before my injury I did a large and powerful trauma release process that culminated in my feeling more seen, felt, held, and loved than ever before in my life. It’s been fascinating over the past month or so, as I get to the other side of the most intense parts of my fractured skull experience, that I am now seeing that the hurt that had been with me for most of my life no longer feels present or that the bits that are floating around don’t seem to be tethered anymore. These two experiences have resulted in an experience where I have been saying that I don’t feel like I’m RE-covering who I was, so much as DIS-covering who I now am.
Again, I’m very grateful to be alive.
What qualities do you find valuable and inspirational in others?
I say that my mission and purpose is to live into a world where everyone is firmly on their path and actively levelling up to their full yes life. As such, I notice, celebrate, and adore when I experience people who are on THEIR path and actively levelling up to THEIR full yes lives. Knowing oneself and having the courage to live in accordance to that chosen ideal is something available to all of us AND is magical when actually done.
What is it about what you do for other people that makes you the happiest and gives you the most fulfilment?
I asked a few dear friends what was one of the biggest things I’ve done for them, and they all said a version of my gift is that I can assist people in seeing and believing in their own super powers. Through something in our interactions, people have created multimillion dollar businesses, found the loves of their lives, transformed their bodies, found self love and a sense of fulfilment and many many other things. It was actually quite humbling that after my skull fracture people, from around the world and from nearly every chapter of my life, sent messages telling me about the impact I’ve had on them. It was what I imagine being able to witness ones own funeral might feel like but I get to keep living a while longer. The idea that I might leave any kind of lasting legacy is almost laughable. Even the most known humans in the history of our species are barely known. People argue if Shakespeare was real or a character himself made up of an assortment or team of other playwrights. I’m saying that because what gives me fulfilment is the knowledge that things I’ve done have rippled out in ways I don’t know and don’t fully understand. Two people got married after discovering each other on my podcast, where I’d interviewed them both separately and they listened to each other’s episodes and fell in love. People I’ve spoken to once randomly at a table next to me in a cafe have written to me 6 months later to tell me how they’d transformed their lives after that one chat and something I’d said to them. I don’t think it’s me, so much as something that flows through me but either way, I LOVE that somehow I’ve had a positive impact on the world and THAT will live on long after I’m gone.
I know that you have done a lot of work with men’s groups and empowerment circles here in Bali. Describe what to you differentiates the expression of healthy masculinity from toxic masculinity and how does a man begin the journey of shifting into the healthy expression of masculine energy?
Wow, this is a big topic! It’s also simpler than we make it most of the time. When given the opportunity most people are deeply good and yet many people don’t know how to structure themselves to come from that place. It’s almost cliche now to say “hurt people hurt people” but the fact that it’s been said many times before doesn’t invalidate it. “Toxic masculinity” is a dangerous term in that some people hear it as “Masculinity is toxic” which it isn’t and is not what is being said… at least most of the time. Toxic masculinity is also dangerous because it’s insidious, pervasive, and very destructive. Making the distinction clear from “Toxic masculinity” and “Masculinity” is important. I even tend to not lean into the term “healthy masculine” too much, instead opting to look at “masculine” as healthy and “toxic” as the aberration. Even the use of the word “Patriarchy” ruffles my feathers a bit as the root of the word is “Pater” or “Father” in Latin. I get where people are coming from when they use the word AND I think that the world needs more healthy fathering not less, and more healthy masculine energy not less. I’ve added the word “healthy” there because we’re not yet using the term “toxic patriarchy” so the current default is that it’s bad.
Something becomes “toxic” or poisonous when it is detrimental to the health and success of something else. To the toxic organism their survival is important and so the labelling and attempts to clear them out of the space often meets with resistance because it’s a survival instinct. Often people deal with the toxic by reacting similarly to the things or behaviours they’re criticising. Much of what I do is live into the questioning of what healthy would look like and the men’s work I do flows from that space. The men’s group I’ve been facilitating and co-leading for the last year and a half is non-prescriptive in the sense that I don’t tell anyone how to be, and instead hold a space of “you are a man and so how you’re being is how a man is… now who do you want to be?” The quest to be a better version of ourselves is a key part of how I live and of what the men who join my groups choose to live. To me the healthy masculine is creative, deeply caring, fiercely loyal, and honouring. The word “husbandry” speaks to the care and cultivation of animals, crops, or resources, but I tend to see it as the caring and cultivation of home, however we might view that. I see the role of men as caretakers and cultivators of a vision for the world they / we want to live in. To my mind, this is done in partnership with women, regardless of sexual orientations or connections because we’re a shared species and equally important. Wounded people come from a wounded place when visioning and that’s where the toxic part comes in. This can be in men and women but for the sake of this topic and looking just at men, I think it’s an opportunity for all of us to hold caretake and cultivate a vision of a more unified earth. As men heal we all benefit and while I have so much more to say on this subject this works for now.
What interesting projects do you have on the horizon and where do you seen yourself in the next five years?
As I said earlier, I am discovering myself anew in many ways and in many areas of life. This means that some of my interesting projects are things I was doing before and am relaunching after my recovery hiatus while others are new. A big thing I’m looking forward to is taking the structure of my coaching program and applying it to humanity as a whole. I see our species behaving much like an individual with no clear goals or idea of what game they’re actually playing. Some things are working, many things aren’t and outside influences are leading us in directions that we might not consciously choose. This is normal and the state of many people who come to work with me and so much shifts as we get clear on what they’re actually wanting to be up to and are then given permission and tools to live into that space. As a species I think we need the same thing and I’m designing and building some structures that will hopefully have people go through this process for themselves and for the world allowing us to collectively choose what we’re doing here with each other.
When you are not coaching, doing speaking engagements and helping others live their best lives, what do you do for fun? What are your secret passions and hobbies?
I paint, I play ultimate frisbee, I create stories (I’ve started screenwriting again after almost 20 years), and I have large and micro adventures. I love seeing the world in new ways and I play a lot with a macro lens attachment for my phone that allows me to see the “mundane” with wonder.
What are the top three books and three films that you would recommend to others?
One book for Men's Work: "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" by Douglas Gillette and Robert L. Moore. This book presents archetypes for the mature masculine in it's full power and then shows the disempowered and shadow side of each and it does the same thing for boy and man archetypes. Using this model it's easy to place oneself and from there choose how to proceed in life. I wish someone would write a book in this exact format for women, I'd love to read it.
Three books for fun:
"Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates" Tom Robbins, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" Douglas Adams, "The Alchemist" Paulo Coelho. I've read each of these books multiple times and derived joy and wisdom from them each time. Well worth it. Audio books: "Anatomy of the Spirit" Caroline Myss. I avoided this book for years until friends and multiple podcast guests recommended it and once I listened to the Audiobook I knew this was gold. I've listened to it multiple times and each time it feels like the first and something else shakes me to the core. "The Art of Asking" Amanda Palmer This book is powerful and it's art. I'm moved me to tears and is well worth the listen.
I love movies. Here's a SHORT list. "Groundhog Day": This film is the blueprint for personal transformation disguised as light comedic entertainment. In the director's commentary, director Harold Ramis says that he's received letters from members of virtually every belief structure on the planet thanking him for making a movie about THEM. That demonstrates the universality of the message. Also, Bill Murray is fantastic. "The Incredibles": The greatest superhero film of all time. This animated gem is pitch perfect, balancing intelligence and entertainment. "Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark": Spielberg wanted to make a cheap B-movie that showed her was able to work within a budget and ran with his friend George Lucas's idea for a silly adventure movie and made an enduring masterpiece of cinematic entertainment that has aged surprisingly well. Yes there are fancier movies than these but few are more entertaining.
If you were a Marvel or a Dc comic book character, who would you be and why?
This is a more challenging question than it might seem. I admire Marvel Comics and the MCU greatly but I have always tilted heavily towards DC.
To me, DC characters are archetypes, ideas, mythology. Green Lanterns are given a ring that allows them to create anything they have the willpower to manifest in the pursuit of peace in the galaxy. The Flash is the fastest man alive and constantly has the experience of never being fast enough. Shazam is a character that I can relate to on many levels. He’s a giant on the outside but inwardly he’s just a young boy. I have often felt like that.
Batman is a study in how trauma can twist a good heart and how, no matter how noble the intentions and how much personal development is undertaken, unresolved trauma just leads to more hurt. You can never scare evil out of existence. Superman is the antithesis of the idea that absolute power corrupts absolutely. At its best Superman narratives explore the challenge of being one of the most powerful physical being in existence while adhering to a strict moral code. He could easily dominate the world and impose whatever vision of a Utopia that he might thin we’d all benefit from but that would be a betrayal of who he is and who he aspires to be. They say that Metropolis (Superman’s home) is New York by day and Gotham (Batmans’ home) is New York by night. In much the same way, I feel that I can see traces of Superman in my light side and Batman in my darkness.
Do you believe that our lives are to some level outside of our control (that our paths are preordained) or do you believe that you are the creator and master of your own life?
I’m not sure that’s the dichotomy. I believe that all of creation is a swirl of order and chaos. While I’m not sure that the fates have planed our existences out for eternity, it sure does feel like there is something guiding and directing me at times. As far as being the creator and/ or master of our own lives… I think that it’s a beautiful theory that at least has a chance of having us take some ownership and responsibility of our own existence but it’s also potentially damaging. No one in human history as created a complete global paradise. Buddha didn’t do it. Jesus didn’t do it. Neo didn’t do it. If we were truly the masters of our existence then what’s going on there? Not enough training? Not enough will? The metaphor I often go to for this is that of sailing. To be trained and skilled on a well built and stocked vessel gives you many advantages that you don’t have if you’re just bobbing out at sea, AND the ocean can choose to take you at pretty much any time. I think that we can train and develop ourselves to better navigate the chaos of human existence with a high degree of style and grace, but in the end, we’re lucky to be here and that can be taken away at any time.
Describe an extraordinary experience you would like to have if there were no restrictions (time, money, etc) , why are you drawn to that particular experience?
I would love to see humanity get clear on an agreed upon set of goals and a purpose and take action towards those aspirations. To quote Marianne Williamson: “We are here to make manifest the glory of god that’s inside of us and it’s not just in some of us, it’s in all of us.” I may never see this fully in my lifetime but to aspire to it feels like a pathway to a life well lived.